by Koushin Unber
“You’re going to grow up a fine woman, with 12 years of education, your own source of income before you get married to a man who will be equal to you and treat you with the amount of respect you deserve,” says the person who made my mother quit her job when she was pregnant so that she could give her “full attention” to her family.
The sheer sanctimony that I noticed within the nuances of the person who gave birth to me still continues to haunt my days. Why is it that our fathers would figuratively kill the person who’d attempt to treat us the very way they treat our mothers? Worst comes to worse when we, as 15-18 year olds, realise that the ways of the person who we once considered to be superheroes are wrong and decide to call them out on their ironic behaviour. In a fit of unapologetic rage, they tell us that we youngsters ‘know too much’ or have ‘consumed too much media from the outside’ and have no concept of ‘family values’. Their idea of family values being those which have been dragged through centuries and never gone through a refining process. Girl grows up receiving minimum education, boy grows up receiving enough education for job, girl and boy get married, boy continues to work, girl gives birth, girl takes care of child. Then they attack us with the “You should be grateful that I provide a roof over your head, pay for your food, and your education. How dare you question the ways of your own father. Back in my days, it was the parent who taught the children how to behave and think, not the other way around. Shame, what this generation has come to.”
If you reading this right now can’t relate, I’m so happy for you. Our generation were the first to grow up with all the world’s information at our fingertips, and while it is understandable why the generations above us are not accepting of change, it is definitely not acceptable to let them live out and execute their archaic concepts of what a woman’s duty towards her family is. Feminism, in the eyes of these very people is seen as an act of disobedience and audacity. Our acts of minimalistic activism are looked down upon and labelled as ‘acting out’ instead of praised. I myself had to rethink whether or not I’d be using a pen name for publishing works on this website, because I am afraid of the stigma I may receive if one of my family members finds out what goes on in my mind.
That being said, it’s a traumatizing experience watching your mother get stripped of her dignity, her job, and her sense of individuality as our patriarchal society (just HAD to use that word) normalizes encumbering the lives of middle aged women. And the social stigma that exists around divorced couples lets them be trapped in a hapless marriage where they feel trapped and can’t get out of. Our elders act as if higher divorce rates are a sign of no commitment, or trust. We as the ‘modern’ and ‘matobbor’ generation have nothing more to do but spread awareness and shed light on these topics, because the only way we can bring change is by accepting the fact we NEED change.
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